I love winning!

Whenever I work with my manager Devin, we always play a game. I love it. Especially when I win.

I won a few weeks ago. Devin promised me a prize for winning. I forgot about it until Devin said: "Rach, I'm so sorry I haven't given you your prize yet. I have something in mind but I can't decide if you'll like it."
Today at work I was so busy helping customers that I didn't notice Devin and her husband come in. One of my co-workers said: "Rach have you been in the back yet?" 'Not recently. Why?' "You should go back there." So I walked into the stock room. And there they were.

My prizes for winning the game.

Dev bought me TWO BETTA FISHES!!



The white one on the left is named: Wilhelm
The purple one on the right is named: Frans-Josef

The reason why I got TWO fishes is because Dev had never seen a white Betta fish before and wanted to pick that one. But her husband liked the purple one. So they got me BOTH!

I love winning!

I need to get a life...

Sometime after 3am Tuesday morning, Keri and I finally decided to get some sleep (love you Keri!!).
10am my alarm goes off
10:45am I call my store hoping that they won't need me till 1:30: Do you need me at noon?
Of course they do.
Not 10 minutes later I get a text from the new kid at work: Hey Doty, could you still cover my shift today?
This would involve me staying till the store closes. Sure why not? I can totally handle a 10 hour day.
After telling the new kid that I can cover his shift and not to worry about it, I remember that I am already pushing 40 hours this week with floorset...and that's BEFORE you add the extra hours of me taking his shift. Poop. Now what do I do?
10-15 minutes later the doorbell rings. I answer with my hair half straightened, wearing the shirt I planned to wear to work and basketball shorts. I open the door to see a man standing there. "I'm here to clean your carpet." He sees the confused look on my face. "She didn't tell you?"
Of course she didn't.
Seriously? I have to leave for work in like 15 minutes. I'm half dressed and my hair is halfway finished. AND I have to figure out what to do about getting this kids shift covered. But am I going to say NO to my carpet getting professionally cleaned?
HECK NO!
He tells me just to get my personal items off the ground and he would take care of the rest. So I frantically pile all my stuff that was on the floor onto my bed so this man can clean my carpet.
I rush to finish getting ready for work and book it out the door. On my way out he hollers: "Do you want me to the lock the door behind me?" YES PLEASE!
Work. What do I do? I can't be at 40 hours - they need my help at floorset! Manager calls new kid - Sorry new kid, you HAVE to come in today.
Yay for me! No 10 hour shift!
Other manager comes in. He sees everything that needs to get done TODAY. Panics. Doty can you stay and close tonight? PLEASE I need you!
Can't. Pushing 40 hours.
Paniced manager rearranges my schedule so I can stay and close.
9 1/2 hours later...
I finally make it back to my apartment sometime after 10pm. I open the door to see my big couch and the coffee table in the kitchen blocking the refridgerator. I forgot the carpet got cleaned this morning.
The carpet is still wet. The couch and coffee table are still in the kitchen.
I'm too tired to care.
It's now after midnight. I'm still not in bed.

I need to get a life.

Those aren't balls....

HOW TO MAKE CAKE BALLS
- bake cake according to the back of the cake mix box
- as soon as cake comes out of the oven, put it in a bowl
- mix entire can of frosting in bowl with cake (while cake is still hot)
- make the cake/frosting creation into BALLS
- put cake/frosting BALLS into freezer
- melt chocolate
- dip frozen cake/frosting BALLS in melted chocolate
- refridgerate
- eat

HOW TO MAKE CAKE BLOBS
- bake cake according to the back of the cake mix box
- as soon as cake comes out of the oven, put it in a bowl
- mix entire can of frosting in bowl with cake (while cake is still hot)
- make the cake/frosting creation into ATTEMPTED BALLS...which become BLOBS
- put cake/frosting BLOBS into freezer
- melt chocolate
- dip frozen cake/frosting BLOBS in melted chocolate
- refridgerate
- eat
- do not show cake BLOBS to girl who told you about cake BALLS

NOTE: When you attempt to make something that someone has perfected, that person will have to show you that your version is wrong and what it's really suppose to look like.

STORY:
Roommate's friend tells her how to make cake balls
Roommate tells me how to make cake balls
I make cake BLOBS
Roommate's friend sees cake BLOBS
Roommate's friend asks: what are those?
Roommate says: cake balls
Roommate's friend says: those aren't balls
Few days later roommate's friend stops by with a plate of cake BALLS
I see plate of cake BALLS....and remember my plate of cake BLOBS
I get offended

Cake BLOBS taste better anyway....because I made them

Fairytale

I've listened to this song by Sara Bareilles hundreds of times but for some reason today it really made an impression on me and I can't stop listening to it! Here are the lyrics:

Cinderella's on her bedroom floor ~ She's got a crush on the guy at the liquor store ~ 'Cause Mr. Charming don't come home anymore ~ And she forgets why she came here

Sleeping Beauty's in a foul mood for shame she says ~ None for you dear prince, I'm tired today ~ I'd rather sleep my whole life away than have you keep me from dreaming

'Cause I don't care for your fairytales ~ You're so worried about the maiden though you know ~ She's only waiting on the next best thing

Snow White is doing dishes again ~ 'Cause what else can you do with seven itty-bitty men? ~ Sends them to bed and she calls up a friend says ~ Will you meet me at midnight?

The tall blonde lets out a cry of despair says ~ Would have cut it myself if I knew men could climb hair ~ I'll have to find another tower somewhere and keep away from the windows

'Cause I don't care for your fairytales ~ You're so worried about the maiden though you know ~ She's only waiting on the next best thing

Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom ~ Man made up a story said that I should believe him ~ Go and tell your white knight that he's handsome in hindsight ~ But I don't want the next best thing ~ So I sing and hold my head down and I break these walls round me ~ Can't take no more of your fairytale love

I don't care for your fairytales ~ You're so worried about the maiden though you know ~ She's only waiting on the next best thing ~ I don't care, I don't care ~ Worry bout the maiden though you know she's only waiting ~ Spent the whole life being graded on the sanctity of patience ~ And a dumb appreciation ~ But the story needs some mending ~ And a better happy ending ~ 'Cause I don't want the next best thing

No, no I don't want the next best thing

_________________________________________________

You know how you'll hear the same song like a million times but then one day you actually listen to the lyrics and you think...wow this song has meaning? K so that happened to me with this song.

In all the fairytale stories the princess is always waiting for something better to come along. She's waiting for someone to save her from her current situation. Someone to save her from her life. "You know she's only waiting on the next best thing."

I don't want to wait around for Prince Charming to come save me from my life. I want him to add to the life I'm living.

I don't want the next best thing. No no, I don't want the next best thing.

My absolute worst fear...

I'm sitting on the couch in the dark in my almost empty apartment wearing my running shoes and workout clothes. My roommates have moved out, leaving me to finish going through the stuff they left behind and to finish cleaning whatever they didn't clean, while trying to pack and move my own stuff. And I am doing all I can to keep myself from crying. I can't remember the last time I felt so alone.
Now I understand that the situation I'm currently in is my own damn fault. I should have worked it out sooner. But with the stress of my job and planning to move out and the fact that I don't like to ask people for favors are a few of the reasons I waited so long. I also would rather not have to call any of my family here in Utah. I have to be moved out of my apartment by midnight tomorrow night and I can't move into my new apartment until they call me. So at this moment I will be homeless tomorrow night.
I'd do almost anything if I didn't have to stay with my dad's mom - her condo is a little crowded these days. But staying with her is the most logical thing for me to do. I finally gathered up the courage to call her a few days ago...and every day since then... she's out of town and her cell phone isn't working.
I'd also rather not have to stay with my mom's brother and his family because they live all the way up in Salt Lake City - which is almost an hour away and I have to work almost every day this week.
And to top it all off - my friends are out of town. Hence me sitting here alone.
This is when the title of this blog post comes in.....
My absolute worst fear in the whole entire world is disappointing my father. And to hear him say the words "I wish you had..." is the one phrase that will haunt me for the rest of my life. That phrase "I wish you had..." has disappointment embedded in it's meaning and tone of voice that it's said in.
I talked to my dad briefly on the phone today. As I asked him for his mother's cellphone number and upon hearing that I hadn't gotten a hold of her so I could find a place to stay, I heard that phrase, "I wish you had..." which then left me sitting on the floor of my bedroom crying. I had disappointed my father. I should have been more on top of things and if I had been I wouldn't be in this situation. I should be more perfect. This then made me slightly angry and wanting to go for a run so I could think things through. So on a Sunday evening I put on my headphones and went for a run hoping to clear my mind. Which only led me to think more about what I had just heard my father say to me, which led to more tears until now, as I sit in the dark in my workout clothes typing this blog post.
Feeling like my father is disappointed with me makes me think of my Heavenly Father. If my earthly father is disappointed with me, surely my Heavenly Father feels the same way. And even more so because He knows EVERYTHING about me. I know that I should probably have more faith that things will work out - but I 'm the one who put myself in this sitaution. I feel stupid expecting Heavenly Father to magically work things out for me. Not that I don't want Him too but miracles are meant for people who are more faithful and Christ-like.
I can't figure out why I actually took the time to type this blog entry. And as I read through this entry I realize that I probably sound really dramatic. It's probably stress and lack of sleep, plus I'm a girl. But as I was crying on the couch all I wanted to do was type out how I was feeling. I doubt many people read my blog but maybe someone understands how I feel. I know that my mission blog helped people who read it. I only hope this blog can do the same.

Nur ein Jahr....

Just one year ago TODAY - August 13th - I came home from living in Germany for 16 months.

I said goodbye to a beautiful land, a difficult (yet rewarding once learned) language, and to a people who captured a HUGE piece of my heart. Not a day goes by that I don't think about the experiences that I had and the people I met. And as each day passes I miss it all just that much more.

Tonight I went to the wedding reception of a mission friend. I got to see my MTC companion and other people I had met on my mission.

David, me, Lyndsey, Quinton, Kaitlin, Tyler, Adam Kaitlin and me

I can't even begin to express how grateful I am for my mission and for everything it did for me in shaping who I am and where I am today.

In my last email to my family as a missionary I included lyrics to a song that expressed just how I felt about my mission. I like it best in German (for the English version look up the song: For Good from the musical Wicked)

Wie ich bin

Es wird gesagt - Wenn jemand in dein Leben tritt - Dann damit du - Etwas lernst das du nicht weißt - Bevor man fragt - Erscheint ein Mensch der Antwort gibt - Und er ahnt kaum - Welch ein Dienst er dir erweist - Mir ist nicht klar - Ob das auch stimmt für mich - Doch ich weiß - Hätt ich dich nicht gekannt - Wär ich heut nicht ich - Wie die Sonne den Kometen - Wegzieht von seiner Bahn - Wie der Felsblock zu dem Fluss sagt - Fließ woanders hin - Du warst da - Darum hab ich mich verändert - Nur weil wir uns kannten - Bin ich heut wie ich bin - Wenn wir uns hier - Vielleicht auch nie mehr wieder sehn - Was ich fühle - Ist eher Dankbarkeit als Schmerz - Du lebst in mir - Ich hab so viel gelernt von dir - Deine Handschrift - Schrieb mir wichtiges ins Herz - Und was in meinem Buch des Lebens stand - Wird unbeschrieben neu erzählt - Nur weil ich dich fand - Wie ein Schiff erfasst vom Sturmwind - Auf dem Weg übers Meer - Wie ein Samen den ein Vogel trägt - Wer weiß wohin - Du warst du da - Darum hab ich mich verändert - Nur weil wir uns kannten - Bin ich heut wie ich bin - Du warst da - Darum hab ich mich verändert - Und ich hab mich denk ich zum Bessernn verändert - Weil wir uns kannten - Bin ich heut - Wie ich bin

Ice skating with Keri

Keri has been ice skating for practically forever. I've been ice skating probably a total of like 10 times my whole life. Keri works at the ice skating rink here in Provo - I go to have fun and spend time with Keri.
















Look how good Keri is:

Now look how good I am:

Bwahahaha! I'm just kidding. I'm really not that good. But Keri has been teaching me things every time we go ice skating!

i heart storms

Why?

I love it when it rains. I love it when it pours down rain. I love the smell of rain on the cement (except here in Utah it just smells like wet dog).

But I mostly love storms because of the clouds...







i heart storms

My Heavenly Father loves me

(Throughout this post you will see this: MHFLM - which stands for My Heavenly Father loves me. Today is just one of those days where I feel like Heavenly Father is really there for me)

Late last night, after having worked for over 10 hours, I set my alarm for 7AM - this is crucial because I must be to work at 8:30. At the time I set my alarm I am thinking to myself: Rach you're so smart setting your alarm now because you might forget to set it before you go to bed.

I'm so smart guys.

I forgot to turn my alarm ON.

I haven't slept much at all the past couple days plus I had just worked 10 1/2 hours AND went to bed late. I'm surprised that I didn't completely crash and sleep forever. I woke up at 8 [MHFLM] and realized I had to be to work in 30 minutes. Oops. Don't worry, I was only 20 minutes late to work.

Tomorrow we are to be visited by important people from corporate. Under normal conditions - like me not running late - I would be stressed beyond all reason. That was me yesterday during my whole shift: stressed beyond all reason. Looking back at this morning, running late and knowing how every minute at work is precious time to prepare for the corporate visit, I'm surprised yet again that I wasn't freaking out. I was calm [MHFLM]. That isn't normal.

As I turned my car on this morning to drive to work, I turned my lights on so I could see while I drove out of the parking garage. As my mind was running through everything that needed to get done today and the fact that I had completely forgotten to actually turn my alarm on after I had set it, I forgot to turn my lights off. So when I turned my car off and quickly walked into the mall, my lights where still on. Six or so hours later when my shift ended I walked back to my car and turned it on. It started without a problem [MHFLM]. I THEN noticed that my lights had been on the whole time I was at work. What a blessing that my battery wasn't drained.

Right now I'm sitting on my couch with the sliding door open: it's pouring down rain :D and there's thunder and lightening. My roommate is cooking me bacon (I think the only reason she's doing that is so she can avoid her homework a little longer. I'm not complaining). And she's letting me finish off her icecream. I'm going back into work to help them close in a few hours so I can let my OCD run wild and make the store look perfect. And tomorrow is my day off.

My Heavenly Father loves me